Nobody prepared me for this part of the job.
When I work with executive directors, the conversation eventually turns to boards. And when it does, I hear the same exhausted refrain: “I feel like I’m reporting to fifteen different bosses who never talk to each other.” The ED who said that to me last month had just come out of a three-hour board meeting where she’d been questioned on everything from her travel expenses to why the summer program hadn’t launched a week earlier. She was talented, committed, and ready to quit.
Here’s what I’ve learned after coaching dozens of nonprofit leaders through board challenges: the relationship between an executive director and their board doesn’t have to feel like a performance review that never ends. But transforming that relationship requires skills that most EDs were never taught—skills that fall under what I call “managing up.”
Managing up isn’t manipulation. It isn’t politics for politics’ sake. It’s the intentional practice of shaping your relationship with your board so that everyone—you, them, and ultimately the mission—wins.
Understanding What Really Motivates Your Board Members
Before you can effectively manage up, you need to understand who you’re managing. Board members aren’t a monolithic group, and treating them as one is a mistake I see EDs make repeatedly.
Every board member sits in their seat for a reason, and that reason shapes everything—how they engage, what questions they ask, what makes them feel valued. Understanding these motivations is part of effective ED ecosystem management.
The most common motivations I see:
The Give-Get Members joined because they can open doors—donor networks, corporate connections, political relationships. They expect their contributions to be leveraged and acknowledged.
The Expertise Providers are there because they bring specific skills—legal, financial, marketing, operations. They want to feel their expertise matters and is being used.
The Passion Carriers believe deeply in your mission. They might have personal connections to the cause—a family member affected, a community they care about. Their emotional investment is both their strength and their potential blind spot.
The Prestige Seekers (and yes, they exist) want the board position on their resume or LinkedIn profile. This isn’t inherently bad—they can still contribute meaningfully if you understand what drives them.
The Obligation Fillers were asked by someone they couldn’t refuse. They may be less engaged, but they’re also often less likely to cause trouble.
When you understand why each person is at the table, you can tailor your communication accordingly. The expertise provider needs opportunities to share their knowledge. The passion carrier needs to feel the mission in every conversation. The give-get member needs to see clear paths to making connections.
Your board isn’t your boss. Your board is a collection of individuals who each need something different from you—and who each offer something different in return.
Mastering the Art of Board Meeting Management
Board meetings are where relationships are built or broken. And yet most EDs approach them with dread rather than strategy.
The secret to a great board meeting happens before anyone walks in the room.
Preparation is everything. I recommend EDs spend at least three hours preparing for every hour of board meeting time. That sounds excessive until you realize that a poorly run meeting costs you in ways that extend far beyond those three hours—lost trust, confused direction, fractured relationships.
Your board packet should arrive at least five days before the meeting. Not two. Not three. Five. Board members have full lives, and if you want them to actually read your materials, you need to give them time.
Presentation matters more than you think. How you present information shapes how your board receives it. Lead with what matters strategically. Don’t bury your most important points under operational updates. Start with the big picture—where the organization is headed—before diving into the details of how you’re getting there.
Research on nonprofit board ED relationships shows that the most effective partnerships involve regular check-ins, a “no surprises” policy, and mutual performance reflection. These principles should guide every interaction, especially board meetings.
Follow-through builds credibility. Within 48 hours of every board meeting, send a summary of decisions made, action items assigned, and questions that need answers. This isn’t administrative busywork—it’s how you demonstrate that you take the board’s time seriously and can be trusted to execute.
The Information Diet: Feeding Your Board What They Actually Need
One of the most common patterns I see among struggling EDs is what I call The Information Overwhelm. They bury their boards in details—lengthy reports, exhaustive financials, minute-by-minute program updates—hoping that if they provide enough data, no one will ask uncomfortable questions.
This approach backfires spectacularly. Overwhelmed board members either check out entirely or become suspicious that you’re hiding something in the avalanche of paper.
Your board needs three categories of information:
What they legally and fiducially must have: Financial statements, audit results, compliance issues, significant risks. This is non-negotiable.
What they need to govern strategically: Progress toward strategic goals, emerging opportunities and threats, resource allocation decisions, organizational health indicators.
What they want (which may differ from what they need): This varies by board and by member. Some want operational details. Others want stories of impact. Still others want competitive analysis.
The art is in distinguishing between these categories—and in educating your board about the difference between governance and management. Board members often ask operational questions not because they’re micromanaging, but because they don’t know what else to ask. Educating your board about their proper role is one of your responsibilities, even if it feels uncomfortable.
Information is currency in board relationships. Spend it wisely—enough to build trust, not so much that you create noise.
Building Your Board Champion Network
Here’s a truth that took me years to understand: you cannot effectively lead your organization without allies on your board. Trying to manage a board single-handedly is a recipe for exhaustion and failure.
Champions are board members who understand your challenges, believe in your leadership, and are willing to advocate for you when you’re not in the room. Every ED needs at least two or three.
How do you identify potential champions? Look for board members who:
- Ask questions that suggest they understand your constraints
- Acknowledge complexity rather than demanding simple answers
- Follow up after meetings with supportive messages
- Defend you (or your decisions) to other board members
Once you’ve identified potential champions, cultivate those relationships intentionally. Have coffee with them outside of board meetings. Ask for their advice on thorny issues. Give them advance notice when you’re bringing something controversial to the board. Let them help you strategize about how to present difficult information.
This isn’t favoritism—it’s strategic relationship building. And it’s something every effective leader does.
The BOARD BRIDGE™ framework provides a structured approach to building these kinds of strategic board relationships, creating genuine partnerships rather than transactional interactions.
Managing the Four Board Archetypes
Beyond individual motivations, board members often fall into behavioral patterns that require specific management strategies.
The Micromanager wants to know everything and questions every decision. With micromanagers, the key is structured access—give them more information than others, but in controlled ways. Consider asking them to chair a committee where their detail orientation is an asset rather than an obstacle. And be direct: “I notice you have a lot of questions about operations. I want to make sure you’re getting what you need without taking up too much board time. Can we set up a monthly call where I can walk you through the details?”
The Ghost rarely shows up, doesn’t read materials, and contributes little when present. Ghosts need re-engagement or a graceful exit. Try a direct conversation about their commitment, and be willing to suggest that now might not be the right time for them to serve. A ghost who stays on your board drags down engagement for everyone else.
The Know-It-All has expertise (real or imagined) and isn’t shy about sharing it. With know-it-alls, the strategy is strategic deployment—channel their expertise toward areas where it’s actually useful, and gently redirect when they stray. Public acknowledgment of their contributions often satisfies their need to be seen as valuable.
The Cheerleader supports everything you do, which sounds great until you need honest feedback. Cheerleaders need permission to push back. Explicitly invite their critique: “I really value your support, but I also need you to tell me when you think I’m heading in the wrong direction.”
Having Difficult Conversations
The second failure pattern I see repeatedly is The Perpetual Yes—EDs who never push back on their boards, who absorb every request and criticism without response, who slowly transform from leaders into order-takers.
This pattern is understandable. Your board can, technically, fire you. Pushing back feels risky. But an ED who never disagrees isn’t leading—they’re managing downward pressure while pretending it’s leadership.
You can—and must—learn to have difficult conversations with your board.
When you disagree with a direction: Start by acknowledging the underlying value behind their position. Then share your perspective, including data that supports it. Propose an alternative. And be willing to lose sometimes—not every hill is worth dying on.
When you need to say no: Be clear about why, focusing on mission impact and resource constraints rather than personal preference. Offer alternatives when possible. And remember that “no” is a complete sentence—you don’t always need to justify every decision.
When they’ve crossed a line: This is the hardest conversation, but sometimes board members overstep—contacting staff directly, making commitments on behalf of the organization, interfering with operations. Address these issues privately and directly, focusing on impact rather than intent.
The ED evaluation process should be a two-way conversation, not an annual interrogation. How you handle difficult conversations throughout the year sets the tone for that formal evaluation.
The ED who never disagrees with their board isn’t being a good partner—they’re being a scared employee. And scared employees don’t lead organizations to greatness.
Creating Genuine Partnership
The third failure pattern—The Us vs. Them—happens when EDs start seeing their board as the enemy. Every question becomes an attack. Every meeting becomes a battle. The relationship becomes adversarial.
This mindset is poison for organizations.
Effective board-ED relationships are partnerships, not power struggles. Research in Harvard Business Review on managing nonprofit boards describes effective governance as “the joint product of talented people brought together to apply their knowledge and experience to the major challenges facing the institution.”
Partnership requires:
Clarity about roles. The board governs; you manage. They set strategy; you execute. They hire and evaluate you; you hire and evaluate everyone else. When these lines blur, conflict follows.
Regular communication. Don’t let board meetings be your only touchpoint. Check in with your board chair weekly. Send brief updates between meetings. Keep people informed so they don’t feel surprised.
Mutual respect. Your board members are volunteering their time and expertise. They deserve to be treated as partners, not rubber stamps. At the same time, you bring professional expertise they lack. That expertise deserves respect too.
Honest feedback. Tell your board when they’re helping and when they’re not. Ask them to tell you the same. Organizations improve when people can speak truth to each other.
Working with a coach who understands nonprofit leadership can help you develop these partnership skills. Executive coaching for nonprofit leaders provides a space to practice difficult conversations, develop board management strategies, and build the confidence to lead up as effectively as you lead down.
If you’re considering how coaching for board challenges might help you navigate these dynamics, you’re not alone—it’s one of the most common reasons nonprofit leaders seek coaching support.
Your Quick Win
Before your next board meeting, identify one potential ally on your board—someone who has shown understanding of your challenges or support for your leadership. Send them a brief note previewing one key agenda item and asking for their perspective. This simple act begins building your champion network, and you’ll walk into that meeting with at least one person already thinking about the issue from a supportive stance.
Frequently Asked Questions
Start with curiosity. Often, micromanagement stems from anxiety—the chair doesn't feel they have enough information to do their job. Try increasing your communication frequency and detail. If that doesn't help, have a direct conversation about roles and boundaries, ideally with a third party (like a governance consultant) to facilitate.
Enough to govern, not enough to manage. Focus on strategic indicators, significant risks, and progress toward goals. Resist the urge to prove your worth through volume of detail—it usually backfires.
Respectfully and clearly. State your concerns, provide supporting evidence, and propose alternatives. Be willing to ultimately defer if the board decides differently—they have the final authority. But don't be a silent objector; that serves no one.
Address it directly. A personal conversation about their commitment is often enough. If not, work with your board chair to establish and enforce attendance expectations. A chronically absent member should be invited to step down gracefully.
Address it immediately but privately. Explain why this creates problems—confusion, undermined authority, staff discomfort—and ask them to route requests through you. Most board members do this out of enthusiasm, not malice, and will stop when they understand the impact.
Frame education as shared learning, not correction. Bring in outside resources—articles, consultants, governance training—so you're not positioned as the teacher. And ask questions rather than making statements: "I'm curious about how we're thinking about governance versus management in this decision."
Listen first. Spend your early months understanding each board member—their history with the organization, their motivations, their concerns. Ask for advice on small matters. Demonstrate competence through quick wins. Allies emerge when people see you as both capable and humble.